- To clean up any leftovers, especially if you don’t have a dog. Why waste it.
- To have someone to blame when something goes wrong
- To remind you of what “real” sweat smells like since all you do is “glisten”
- Sometimes it is good to hang out with someone that you don’t have to have long, deep discussions with. Partial sentences and grunts can give you a break from long discussions about feelings.
- A man is a good “keeper of secrets”. Occasionally a man’s, “I don’t really care” attitude comes in handy if you really have to tell someone some juicy gossip.
- Who else is going to kill the insects and spiders
- Even though you can probably open that jar, why work at, give it to him and bat your eyes.
- Let him be the bad guy. No matter what your answer would be, “Hold on let me ask my husband.” Whether you ask him or not, “Sorry we can’t.”
- When you need self-esteem he will always tell you what you want to hear whether it’s true or not. “You haven’t gained weight,” “You look nice,” “This steak is perfectly cooked.”
- Wait until he is watching sports and ask him for anything. He will agree to everything even if he didn’t hear it. He wants to be left alone to watch the game.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Have you had "The Talk" with your cat?
Hey! Jazz! What do you think you're doing??
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
Yep...you've been into the catnip again. Nepeta cataria...
Don't lie to me, I can see it in your eyes, Jazz, those big wild dilated eyes. You've been hitting that mouse a bit too hard today, haven’t you? Yes, I know, I put a bit too much catnip on your scratching post last year, and that gave you a taste for excess, and you tore it to shreds in no time! You were barely able to stop clawing it long enough to eat or be petted, and now because of so much in the past, you want more, more, more! And you apparently aren't happy unless you get it. *sigh*
OK, so it looks like we need to have a little talk about the evils of catnip before things get out of paw!
Now, I don't mind you having a little nip now and then, such as having to exert yourself and climb to the top of your cat tree to get any at all now, and you fall out of it before you get too much. But, really, moderation is the key, Jazz.
Have you noticed that when you get too much of a good thing, the world starts looking a bit strange? You start feeling a bit euphoric and acting strange along with it? Yeah, I see you're rolling around like a female in heat, and dang it, Jazz, you're a neutered male! What will the neighbor's cats think?
No! That's not true at all, not every cat does catnip, and even if they did, would you dive off a bridge in the water if all the other cats did it? Thought not. You know there are some very refined cats who look down on that nonsense, like Souchou, the Siamese across the street. I have seen her actually walk away from a catnip mouse! Why can't you have that kind of willpower?
Anyway, I don't want you doing catnip unless I'm around to supervise your intake. Sorry, but that's really important, Jazz! Remember when Pudding, that shy neighbor's spay, suddenly got brave and beat the stuffing out of you that day? You were in such shock, I thought you'd never get over it. Well, she was on catnip, and you might also remember that it gave her a bravado that scared even the local dogs!
No, Jazz, beating up dogs is NOT a wise move. They can gather a pack together in no time and you won't stand a chance against more than one no matter how high on catnip you are...but I digress.
Now, I know I sometimes give you a tiny pinch of that Colombian-grown Peppy Powder occasionally, and sometimes just a few leaves, flowers or stems of the local stuff, but have you noticed that it is ONLY a few? And look what it does to you?! You have such a low tolerance for even that small amount, can you imagine what more would do to you? WIPE THAT CHESHIRE GRIN OFF YOUR FACE! I'm sorry I asked that question...
Oh! I also want you to stay off of Mrs. Perkin’s porch from now on. She has been complaining that her catnip plants are being knocked off the railing, up-rooted and in general, totally flattened and left full of cat hair...YOUR TABBY HAIR... and that does NOT make a very good medicinal catnip tea, which is why she is growing it in the first place. I'm sure you can agree with me that catnip also promotes vandalism. And if the vandalism of her plants continues, you will end up in kitty jail for a life sentence. Yes, Jazz, you will become an INDOORS ONLY cat! That's the worst punishment I can think of for catnip vandalism.
I hope I've helped you see the problems that can occur with catnip...and why I have to regulate your fun. I'm not a big meanie, I love you, Jazz, and I want you to stay safe, sane and sober and be with me a long time. OK?
I'll take that purr as a promise from you to be more responsible with catnip.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Author Interview: Kim Cano
Kim Cano is a talented author and friend. She has graciously consented to be my first in-depth interview.
Let’s Play A Little Game of 20 Questions
***Be the first one to answer the first question correctly by emailing Kim Kim@KimCano.com and win an audio version of her book A Widow Redefined
1. Tell two truths and one lie about yourself.
A) I am a cat person. B) I enjoy exercising. C) I love to travel.
2. What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught?
I don't work for someone anymore and write full time, but if I get lost on Ebay I yell at myself to get back to work. Does that make me crazy? Talking to myself while wearing pajamas?I
3. If you were in the "Miss America" talent competition, what would your talent be?
I’d probably be kicked out for being too brutally honest about how trivial the contest is in relation to events in the real world. They’d hate me.
4. Name your favorite children's story.
5. What article of clothing most closely describes your personality?
Anna Sui boho silk peasant dress in purple tones.
6. What is your favorite quote?
I saw it on a bumper sticker one day. I’ve never forgotten it. It said: Dear Lord, please save me from your followers.
7. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
I would go scuba diving. I’d love to see the fish in the ocean but I’m much too terrified of sharks to ever try it.
8. If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you take with you?
I see you’ve specified “things.” Since I can't bring along a knowledgeable person who may know how to help me survive, and I would surely die within a week as a vegetarian, I’d have to say my answer is I’d like to go out in style. I’d bring Veuve Clicquot champagne, Trader Joe’s chocolate orange sticks, and some form of medication to end it all when the time came.
9. Without looking what’s in your wallet?
Cards of all kinds.
10. What punctuation mark best describes your personality?
The smiley face.
11. What is set as the background on your computer?
It’s now a picture of Bora Bora.
12. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
The Twilight Series
The Twilight Series
13. Describe a word beginning with the first letter of your name that sums you up?
14. What is your favorite winter activity?
Sitting by the fireplace reading.
15. If you could have a condiment dispensed from your navel, what would it be?
Is dark chocolate sauce a condiment? If so, I choose that.
16. Name two words you always seem to spell incorrectly.
I’m such a bad typist, I spell many words incorrectly. I’m always going back and fixing the underlined red stuff.
17. If we Googled your name what would we see?
Links to my book, website, and there is also a woman with the same name that murdered her husband. She spells it Kym, though.
18. What's the most outrageous thing you did as kid and got away with it?
I was always a quiet, minding my own business sort of child. There was this other girl-- a bully-- who was always picking on me. One day, when I was 8-years-old, she knocked my books out of my hand and I got upset. One of my little friends said I needed to “do something.” So, without thinking, I pushed the bully girl with all my might and she fell backwards into a glass door, which shattered into a thousand pieces. She lay there crying and I was stunned. I never got into trouble with my mom, or anyone else that I remember, and the girl never spoke to me again.
19. If Hollywood made a movie about your life, what is the title and whom would you like to see play the lead role as you?
Adventures in Gypsyland. I’d choose Winona Ryder.
20. How do you eat an oreo?
No special method, just pop it into my mouth and crunch.
And 5 more just because…
1. Plain or Peanut:
2. Beach or Mountains:
It’s a tie. I want them both together.
3. Do you prefer eating the frosting of the cupcake or the cupcake first?
4. Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug?
5. Day or Night:
That's the easiest question yet...night!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Dear Family and Friends:
It’s been a crazy year once again in my ever-expanding family. Most of the things I’ve done have worked out well however a couple have backfired.
The biggest one that backfired was when I made the conscious decision to stop spaying and neutering my rescue kitties. As you know, I love cats and have made it a goal to rescue one cat a year from a life of loneliness. I started out the year with six beautiful cats; however I appear to have lost my mind because I rescued six additional cats. Unfortunately, the potential circumstances never computed until it was too late. While focusing on kitty acquisitions, I forgot about what comes from a non-fixed boy kitty and a non-fixed girl kitty. I just went through my second batch of kittens from two of my newest family members and that brings the kitten total for the year to five litters, totaling an additional twenty-two cute and cuddly kitties.
I started the year with six cats and now I have thirty-four. Let me tell you, it has been difficult on the one hand, but I absolutely love it on the other hand. Sure, I eat budget cat food along with my kitties, but I’ve acquired quite the taste for Tuna flavored gelatinized cat food. If I close my eyes and hold my nose, I’ve finally stopped gagging when I eat it. Also, I have found that Pinterest contains a wealth of knowledge for people with my passion. Did you know that you can recycle kitty litter? I read a post where someone figured out a way to wash it and re-use it. I took that idea and made it bigger. I purchased 7 bags of economy kitty litter and filled my bathtub, but not before putting a piece of window screen on the bottom of the tub. I simply go in a couple times a month and turn on the shower and rinse it out. It sure warms my heart when I sit and use the bathroom and look over and see a couple kitties going with me. It’s a special moment indeed.
You may have figured out that I have had to stop using my shower. Once again, I put my idea to use before truly thinking through all the details; after all I only have one shower. After a couple days of not taking a shower, as you can imagine, I started to stink a little. Then I made a life changing discovery. One morning, I was awoken by a couple dozen cats on top of me; licking me everywhere. After freaking out, I realized that they were sick of smelling me and they were now giving me a bath. Needless to say, it was a bit liberating. The great news is that it’s also brought us closer as a family as well as helped us to save on the water bill.
Other than my adventures of the feline kind, life has been mostly boring for me. I do still watch my stories during the day, but those seem to be disappearing so now my days are filled by watching Cops and Dr. Phil. I just wanted to let you know how my year has gone. Even though no one has ever taken me up on it, my offer still stands. I love to have visitors and hope you can visit soon.
Happy New Year!
Deborah and the Cats!